I wish that I am slightly dumber than or equal to that of my siblings..

this is so fking screwed. i'm beyond caring about religious stuff and losing my face ranting. she may have liked me before but she will never get over her addiction to tumblr. she will never ever get over wei zheng. she can't even see how much i love her.. this totally owns.

/end part 4 of my public rant

Because of you

I find it hard to trust

Not you, but everyone around me,

Because of you, I am afraid..

I guess I will never move on..

I may have gotten over you, but I won't ever forget you.

Man, I wish I could speak to her. But she is too busy being much more popular than me all the time. She has it so much better than me. Having pets, a better house, the fact that she is already in JC, more firends.. EVERYTHING! Why can't she see how strong my feelings are for her? All she cares about is bull crap like her stupid ex but she won't get over it. She even stalked him to the point where she finds his blog mysteriously.. Haiz, life sucks right now.. I have nothing left to give. Nothing.. Bye world. Colin is going to Lala Land.

I write and write, but it all amounts to nothing if you don't read it.. Looks like this time, a perfect fairy tale won't come true.. Only in the emo kia's dream land..

Everyone is out being popular and having fun while I am stuck at home being lifeless.. Oh, how I yearn for a normal poly/JC life.. -_-

Without the daily dose of your words, I am nothing, utterly nothing..

Left eye slowing giving out.. I wonder how long it can last.

How you can manage to have the same feelings as strong or even more for a certain person for nearly 6 years when it is long distance for 5 years simply astounds me..

BOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Well, I'm leaving for France soon. Tonight. I just want you to know, I'll be missing you every single day I'm gone.

Freaking sick.. -_- Darn flu.

Starting to hate idiots taking advantage of me.

Sick of the gnawing pain in the hole in my heart.. Sick of missing you.. Sick of this unrequited love..

The pain of missing you leaves a constant hole in my heart, eternally stabbing in my time-torn heart.

Not loving you is harder then you know..

A tough life choice to make. To go back to Queenstown Secondary, my least liked school of all time, to do F&N and 2-3 other subjects or to try MDIS to further my studies as a private candidate and do subjects I don't really enjoy? Hm, decisions.. Anyone willing to lend some advice or at least a listening ear? Which I doubt anyone will but whatever.

What Can I Say-Dead By April

I tried to be all that you need
tried not ever let you down
still I can see it in your eyes
Not good enough

(This time I believed that I really could change)
(I gave it all)
(This time you really had my everything)
(I guess I was wrong)
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you

I always end up hurting you
I'm hurting you

I tried hard only to be him
You've always wanted in life
Still I just bring you misery
(What can I do)

(This time I believed in you, in me)
(When I gave it all)
(This time I could see it all perfectly,)
(I guess I was wrong)
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, what can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

Without you I am crying
With you I am just hurting you

Without you I am dying
With you I am tearing your heart

(Without you I am crying)
(Without you I am dying)

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I'm hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

Well hey guys. I'm here to do a random post of the day. Nothing better to do so ima post. Sorry readers, I know that this post is a bit overdue so I'm going to make it as detailed as possible.

Well, English O Levels was pretty manageable thanks to Language Alive Pte Ltd. It's basically an English tutoring session I guess. We did plenty of English practices such as Comprehension, Summary vocabulary replacement words, Summary practice and composition practice. It was kinda fun but hectic for me. There was one chiobu there called Sylvia. I also talked to 1 ex gangster and his friend there(wow?! ASTONISHING!!!). They told me about some gangster group called 123 in hokkien. I don't want to mention anymore for fear of the risk of them coming to hantam me lol.

As for Maths 'O' Levels, it was hell. I hope I can at least get a pass in it. -_- Uncle Geoffrey didn't give me enough practice for it and explained too much. He didn't give me enough practice of the Trigonometry, Angles of a circle or whatever you call it, number patterns and other various topics that were my main weak points for Maths. . Looks like my Mom and Dad wasted all that money for nothing.. Fail aye? Lol..

Anyway, I also went out with CY twice to Kinnikuniya to get Ultimate Spiderman comic books. On one occasion, we met at Bishan to eat Pepper's Lunch. We then took the MRT to Orchard and we bought the book. I showed off my pair of Razer Moray+ to him. I paid for him on one occasion but he still has not returned me the cash for it. Nevermind, I'm chasing him for it now. Anyway, I had to listen to music at Bishan for 1 hour to wait for him. His excuse was that the teacher delayed the class. For like 10-15mins I can understand. But for one whole freaking hour?! That's retarded. Lol. Anyway, we caught up with each other there.

My medicine also got changed from 15mg of Olanzapine Zyprexa to 5mg of Olanzapine and 1mg of Risperidone. The reason why we changed it is because the old medicine made me very drowsy and sedated in the morning and also because it made my appetite increase. Well, the new dosage may seem small in comparison but it is a bit lower dosage than normal for the new medicine. The old medicine will help to compensate for the low dosage. My Dad and I also forgot to ask for sleeping pills. -_- Fail.

So what am I looking forward to? Well, on Monday, I have a NS doctor's appointment. In addition, I may also be taking up some cooking or baking classes. Furthermore, I have a new deynition service at Trinity Church tomorrow! Last but not least, I'm going for a skiing trip to France and then to the UK to meet up with my sister! As some of you readers may know, my sister went overseas to the UK to study in Oxford University. Bad ass right? Well, be sure to look out for that post readers!

That's all I wanted to post. Bye and be sure to keep reading! :)

See Me Smiling-Yellowcard

The sun comes up and you are all over my mind
You're in my brain before I can open my eyes
As I go on without you
My heartbeat wont slow down
I need you back like I need air to breath this out

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know your somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are (Wherever you are)
I hope you can see me smiling

The sky gets dark, I watch the water here at home
It's 10 years now and I'm still learning to let go
I'ts not the same without you
Theres no one keeping time
You were the rhythm that was bringing us to life

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know you're somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are (Wherever you are)
I hope you can see me smiling now (I hope you can see me smiling)

Sometimes I can't help think that I have you right behind me all this time
If only you could have a chance to see
All the happiness you gave to me

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know you're somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are
I hope you can see me smiling now (I hope you can see me smiling)
I hope you can see me smiling

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

SFWC TOMORROW! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO! :)

Burdened by problems, last to know.

Let's see you move on from someone you really love. /end scarasm

I Wish I Never Met You-Trina(feat Shonie)

I wish I never met you boy …

And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

[Trina]
When we first got together, I saw us chillin forever.
A lifetime, best friend for worse or for better.
Then you switched up the weather, sunshine to clouds.
I found a condom in ya dresser, and you know how we get down.
You fucking clown now I wish I never met cha.
I shoulda listened to mama, she said you wasnt nothing special.
So now its to the left, to the left
and everything you own is on the porch
nigga step and tell me …

[Shonie]
What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

[Trina]
Maybe im trippin, oh I just cant figure u out.
One night u say u love me, the next u flippin out.
But u can bounce, u kno I don’t need a man
Im sorry I met u. I could do bad by my damn self.
I cant let u disrespect me ima queen. And all my real
Boss chicks know what I mean.
I bet u still trickin, you aint learned ya lesson.
Now let me check ya text messages … now tell me .. hahaaa

[Shonie]
What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

Picture me and u together.
Everything about you make my whole body shiver.
Its you I want in my world, its you that I adore.
I said I picture me and u together,
Everything about you make my whole body shiver.
Its you I want in my world, its you that I adore.

What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you

I am getting ready to flunk my 'O' Level Elementary Maths Examination Paper 2..

Good Phineas and Ferb songs.

Every word of misery from you stabs a hole in my heart..

My heart belongs to you and only you eternally..

As Long As You Love Me-Backstreet Boys

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am 'blind'
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me 'blind' is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you are comin' from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby.

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

B-e-a-u-tiful- Megan nicole

She read me the note he left on her bed
Snuck in her room right after she left
And put petals on the ground
Her head on his shoulder they walk down the hall
I'm left to wonder will I ever fall in love
And where is he now

She's with him, I'm in the back seat
Know it's not right but it hurts when they're laughing
And I've never been where they are

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Friday night she wore his jersey to the game
In the front row screamin out his name
As he turns to her and smiles
Every where I look people holding hands
When am I gonna get my chance at love
My chance at love

Cuz she's with him, I'm still hurting
Try to pretend but it's not working
I just wanna be where they are

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

My heart is waiting for your love
My hand is waiting for your touch
My lips just wanna be kissed by you

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful.

SF withdrawal symptoms.

Must. Not. Play. Until. End. Of. 'O's.

Razer Moray+ on Wednesday night! Ordered it with my own money and debit card! WHOO HOO! :)

Relax.. -_- It's not like failing maths is the end of the world or something.

\

Hi guys. Not really in the mood to do anything much else so I'm here blogging. There were two things that happened last month but it doesn't really have anything noticeable to blog about so I will blog about the camp I had and the movie I watched yesterday.

So I went to watch Johnny English: Reborn yesterday. It was pretty good. There was one part which was the most funny part of the movie in my opinion. It was when Johnny English thought a device was a device to use to go up the grapple hook thing. His partner asked him if he was sure that was the correct device. He said he was sure. In the end, it was a distress signal advice. It was blaring red and the device said, "I am here. Agent in distress! Agent in distress!" After like 30 seconds, it counted down from 3 to 0 and shot a flare to show the enemies where Johnny English and his parter was. They were sneaking into a carefully guarded place by the way. LOL There was also a part where Johnny English kept mistaking the mother of one of his colleges as a member of an evil organisation termed as "Vortex" who assassinated a guy who had information on the members of Vortex. It happened three times and thus, was pretty overused in my opinion. The part which I didn't quite get was when Johnny English died to a mind control drug. He was flat lining and suddenly, someone kissed him. He got revived from that. Yeah, weird aye? All in all, it was a hilarious movie.

I also went to a YMCA camp with some YouthReach people. On the first day, we arrived at the camp-site at 3 plus. It turned out we arrived there early and most of the volunteers didn't arrive yet so I read a book called the Hunger Games.(There are 3 books in the series and I have only finished book 1. I will post a thorough review of it when I have finished the whole trilogy.) When everyone arrived, we then played some ice breaker games. I was in orange group and it was called named some technical term for lemur. I forgot what it was called. After that, it was dinner.

I ate then washed my plate with my volunteer, Kwang Sheng. After that, we had night cooking. I cooked some maggie mee army style in a hot metal plate thingy above a fire. After that, it was time for bed. I dozed off immediately as I was fatigued.

The next day arrived. We ate breakfast, then went trekking. Somewhere along the way, I had to switch volunteers with another person as De Shun(some other guy from another organisation) wanted to be with Kwang Sheng. Thus, I had a new volunteer named Edward. We played some games along the trek such as spot the place and find the difference between the picture and the spot. Then, we had to do the task behind it like untangling a piece of wire and some maths questions. I also had to blindfold myself and find this ball to touch my various body parts against.

We also enjoyed a game where we had to run and get the baton in the middle. We were paired up as two teams and had to run when our number was called. I fell and injured myself there. Thankfully, there was a medic available there and he patched it up quickly. It has almost finished healing now btw. We then trekked back and had lunch.

After that, we went back to the bunker/fort/house/w.e you want to call it and changed into our track pants for rock climbing. Unfortunately, it rained. So, we made the camp momento with some cloth. We tied it together with some string and pasted some cool things on it. I made mine saying Col1n, P60 and Y? I also pasted some random things on it such as a hat and some weird plastic weed thing which looks like a 3 pawed claw. We then practised this dance we were going to dance at the camp-fire After that, the buddies and I took a nap. We went back to the bunker to bathe and rest after that. I played some random army hand game with Yayaa and De Shun. I attacked them with planes, helicopters, tanks and army soldiers while they gunned me down. After that we ate dinner.

We then had the long anticipated camp fire! It was the most fun part of the camp. We sang cheers around the camp-fire and danced the dance we practised. I also danced to several tunes like Dynamite by Taio Cruz, Club Can't Handle Me by Flo Rida, Baby by Justin Bieber and LMFAO by Party Rock Anthem. The rest of them started a Long line where we danced to. I also free danced some random dance moves that I learned from Queestown's Aces Day Dancing. After that, I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

The last day of the camp arrived. We ate breakfast, and went to Tampinies Sports Complex to swim. We played some games there where we got some strings from the opposite and came back. There were some human sharks there that tried to hunt us down. We got caught once. WE also had a line in between us and we were spilt into two groups. We threw some balls back and forth. We then played some game where we sat on the liferafts and the buddy pushed us to get a ball some distance away. I swam in the water freestyle after that and went to changed shortly. We took a chartered bus back and forth for transport. We ate lunch after that. During lunch, some other volunteer was asked to do a video on some other buddy called Zhi Wei. He was autistic and his Mom wanted to see him. He recommended them to go back to their camp.

Then, we went to pack. I put my dirty laundry into plastic bags. We then went back to the canteen and wrote down some notes for each other. I might post up the pictures of the camp momento and the note later. After that, we watched a video on what we did. My dad came to pick me up when I got back my phone and wallet.

When, I arrived back, I got a cold from a mistakenly shared water bottle that was the same brand as mine(Ice Mountain). My dad caught it too. I still haven't fully recovered from that.

Well, that's all I'm going to post. See you guys.

Wait for you-Elliot Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your "pride" make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you


So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.