Man, I wish I could speak to her. But she is too busy being much more popular than me all the time. She has it so much better than me. Having pets, a better house, the fact that she is already in JC, more firends.. EVERYTHING! Why can't she see how strong my feelings are for her? All she cares about is bull crap like her stupid ex but she won't get over it. She even stalked him to the point where she finds his blog mysteriously.. Haiz, life sucks right now.. I have nothing left to give. Nothing.. Bye world. Colin is going to Lala Land.

I write and write, but it all amounts to nothing if you don't read it.. Looks like this time, a perfect fairy tale won't come true.. Only in the emo kia's dream land..

Everyone is out being popular and having fun while I am stuck at home being lifeless.. Oh, how I yearn for a normal poly/JC life.. -_-

Without the daily dose of your words, I am nothing, utterly nothing..

Left eye slowing giving out.. I wonder how long it can last.

How you can manage to have the same feelings as strong or even more for a certain person for nearly 6 years when it is long distance for 5 years simply astounds me..

BOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Well, I'm leaving for France soon. Tonight. I just want you to know, I'll be missing you every single day I'm gone.

Freaking sick.. -_- Darn flu.

Starting to hate idiots taking advantage of me.

Sick of the gnawing pain in the hole in my heart.. Sick of missing you.. Sick of this unrequited love..

The pain of missing you leaves a constant hole in my heart, eternally stabbing in my time-torn heart.

Not loving you is harder then you know..

A tough life choice to make. To go back to Queenstown Secondary, my least liked school of all time, to do F&N and 2-3 other subjects or to try MDIS to further my studies as a private candidate and do subjects I don't really enjoy? Hm, decisions.. Anyone willing to lend some advice or at least a listening ear? Which I doubt anyone will but whatever.

What Can I Say-Dead By April

I tried to be all that you need
tried not ever let you down
still I can see it in your eyes
Not good enough

(This time I believed that I really could change)
(I gave it all)
(This time you really had my everything)
(I guess I was wrong)
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you

I always end up hurting you
I'm hurting you

I tried hard only to be him
You've always wanted in life
Still I just bring you misery
(What can I do)

(This time I believed in you, in me)
(When I gave it all)
(This time I could see it all perfectly,)
(I guess I was wrong)
I guess I was wrong

What can I say, what can I do
This is who I am and I am hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

Without you I am crying
With you I am just hurting you

Without you I am dying
With you I am tearing your heart

(Without you I am crying)
(Without you I am dying)

What can I say, What can I do
This is who I am and I'm hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you

Well hey guys. I'm here to do a random post of the day. Nothing better to do so ima post. Sorry readers, I know that this post is a bit overdue so I'm going to make it as detailed as possible.

Well, English O Levels was pretty manageable thanks to Language Alive Pte Ltd. It's basically an English tutoring session I guess. We did plenty of English practices such as Comprehension, Summary vocabulary replacement words, Summary practice and composition practice. It was kinda fun but hectic for me. There was one chiobu there called Sylvia. I also talked to 1 ex gangster and his friend there(wow?! ASTONISHING!!!). They told me about some gangster group called 123 in hokkien. I don't want to mention anymore for fear of the risk of them coming to hantam me lol.

As for Maths 'O' Levels, it was hell. I hope I can at least get a pass in it. -_- Uncle Geoffrey didn't give me enough practice for it and explained too much. He didn't give me enough practice of the Trigonometry, Angles of a circle or whatever you call it, number patterns and other various topics that were my main weak points for Maths. . Looks like my Mom and Dad wasted all that money for nothing.. Fail aye? Lol..

Anyway, I also went out with CY twice to Kinnikuniya to get Ultimate Spiderman comic books. On one occasion, we met at Bishan to eat Pepper's Lunch. We then took the MRT to Orchard and we bought the book. I showed off my pair of Razer Moray+ to him. I paid for him on one occasion but he still has not returned me the cash for it. Nevermind, I'm chasing him for it now. Anyway, I had to listen to music at Bishan for 1 hour to wait for him. His excuse was that the teacher delayed the class. For like 10-15mins I can understand. But for one whole freaking hour?! That's retarded. Lol. Anyway, we caught up with each other there.

My medicine also got changed from 15mg of Olanzapine Zyprexa to 5mg of Olanzapine and 1mg of Risperidone. The reason why we changed it is because the old medicine made me very drowsy and sedated in the morning and also because it made my appetite increase. Well, the new dosage may seem small in comparison but it is a bit lower dosage than normal for the new medicine. The old medicine will help to compensate for the low dosage. My Dad and I also forgot to ask for sleeping pills. -_- Fail.

So what am I looking forward to? Well, on Monday, I have a NS doctor's appointment. In addition, I may also be taking up some cooking or baking classes. Furthermore, I have a new deynition service at Trinity Church tomorrow! Last but not least, I'm going for a skiing trip to France and then to the UK to meet up with my sister! As some of you readers may know, my sister went overseas to the UK to study in Oxford University. Bad ass right? Well, be sure to look out for that post readers!

That's all I wanted to post. Bye and be sure to keep reading! :)

See Me Smiling-Yellowcard

The sun comes up and you are all over my mind
You're in my brain before I can open my eyes
As I go on without you
My heartbeat wont slow down
I need you back like I need air to breath this out

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know your somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are (Wherever you are)
I hope you can see me smiling

The sky gets dark, I watch the water here at home
It's 10 years now and I'm still learning to let go
I'ts not the same without you
Theres no one keeping time
You were the rhythm that was bringing us to life

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know you're somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are (Wherever you are)
I hope you can see me smiling now (I hope you can see me smiling)

Sometimes I can't help think that I have you right behind me all this time
If only you could have a chance to see
All the happiness you gave to me

All I can do is keep you closer now
'Cause I know you're somewhere out there looking down
Wherever you are
I hope you can see me smiling now (I hope you can see me smiling)
I hope you can see me smiling

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

SFWC TOMORROW! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO! :)

Burdened by problems, last to know.

Let's see you move on from someone you really love. /end scarasm

I Wish I Never Met You-Trina(feat Shonie)

I wish I never met you boy …

And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

[Trina]
When we first got together, I saw us chillin forever.
A lifetime, best friend for worse or for better.
Then you switched up the weather, sunshine to clouds.
I found a condom in ya dresser, and you know how we get down.
You fucking clown now I wish I never met cha.
I shoulda listened to mama, she said you wasnt nothing special.
So now its to the left, to the left
and everything you own is on the porch
nigga step and tell me …

[Shonie]
What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

[Trina]
Maybe im trippin, oh I just cant figure u out.
One night u say u love me, the next u flippin out.
But u can bounce, u kno I don’t need a man
Im sorry I met u. I could do bad by my damn self.
I cant let u disrespect me ima queen. And all my real
Boss chicks know what I mean.
I bet u still trickin, you aint learned ya lesson.
Now let me check ya text messages … now tell me .. hahaaa

[Shonie]
What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you.

Picture me and u together.
Everything about you make my whole body shiver.
Its you I want in my world, its you that I adore.
I said I picture me and u together,
Everything about you make my whole body shiver.
Its you I want in my world, its you that I adore.

What would you do if u were in my shoes?
Would you make it go go or would u wanna choose
Between the one you love and between the one u hate
Cuz that’s just how it is …

I wish I never met you boy …
And its killing me to know that I cant have you in my world.
I wish I never met you boy …
If I can turn back time, then I’ll make it so that you were my boo.
I wish I never met you boy …
Every time I’m with my man, all I do is sit and think of you.
Don’t wanna feel the way I feel about you

I am getting ready to flunk my 'O' Level Elementary Maths Examination Paper 2..

Good Phineas and Ferb songs.

Every word of misery from you stabs a hole in my heart..

My heart belongs to you and only you eternally..

As Long As You Love Me-Backstreet Boys

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am 'blind'
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me 'blind' is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you are comin' from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby.

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

B-e-a-u-tiful- Megan nicole

She read me the note he left on her bed
Snuck in her room right after she left
And put petals on the ground
Her head on his shoulder they walk down the hall
I'm left to wonder will I ever fall in love
And where is he now

She's with him, I'm in the back seat
Know it's not right but it hurts when they're laughing
And I've never been where they are

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Friday night she wore his jersey to the game
In the front row screamin out his name
As he turns to her and smiles
Every where I look people holding hands
When am I gonna get my chance at love
My chance at love

Cuz she's with him, I'm still hurting
Try to pretend but it's not working
I just wanna be where they are

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

My heart is waiting for your love
My hand is waiting for your touch
My lips just wanna be kissed by you

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful.

SF withdrawal symptoms.

Must. Not. Play. Until. End. Of. 'O's.

Razer Moray+ on Wednesday night! Ordered it with my own money and debit card! WHOO HOO! :)

Relax.. -_- It's not like failing maths is the end of the world or something.

\

Hi guys. Not really in the mood to do anything much else so I'm here blogging. There were two things that happened last month but it doesn't really have anything noticeable to blog about so I will blog about the camp I had and the movie I watched yesterday.

So I went to watch Johnny English: Reborn yesterday. It was pretty good. There was one part which was the most funny part of the movie in my opinion. It was when Johnny English thought a device was a device to use to go up the grapple hook thing. His partner asked him if he was sure that was the correct device. He said he was sure. In the end, it was a distress signal advice. It was blaring red and the device said, "I am here. Agent in distress! Agent in distress!" After like 30 seconds, it counted down from 3 to 0 and shot a flare to show the enemies where Johnny English and his parter was. They were sneaking into a carefully guarded place by the way. LOL There was also a part where Johnny English kept mistaking the mother of one of his colleges as a member of an evil organisation termed as "Vortex" who assassinated a guy who had information on the members of Vortex. It happened three times and thus, was pretty overused in my opinion. The part which I didn't quite get was when Johnny English died to a mind control drug. He was flat lining and suddenly, someone kissed him. He got revived from that. Yeah, weird aye? All in all, it was a hilarious movie.

I also went to a YMCA camp with some YouthReach people. On the first day, we arrived at the camp-site at 3 plus. It turned out we arrived there early and most of the volunteers didn't arrive yet so I read a book called the Hunger Games.(There are 3 books in the series and I have only finished book 1. I will post a thorough review of it when I have finished the whole trilogy.) When everyone arrived, we then played some ice breaker games. I was in orange group and it was called named some technical term for lemur. I forgot what it was called. After that, it was dinner.

I ate then washed my plate with my volunteer, Kwang Sheng. After that, we had night cooking. I cooked some maggie mee army style in a hot metal plate thingy above a fire. After that, it was time for bed. I dozed off immediately as I was fatigued.

The next day arrived. We ate breakfast, then went trekking. Somewhere along the way, I had to switch volunteers with another person as De Shun(some other guy from another organisation) wanted to be with Kwang Sheng. Thus, I had a new volunteer named Edward. We played some games along the trek such as spot the place and find the difference between the picture and the spot. Then, we had to do the task behind it like untangling a piece of wire and some maths questions. I also had to blindfold myself and find this ball to touch my various body parts against.

We also enjoyed a game where we had to run and get the baton in the middle. We were paired up as two teams and had to run when our number was called. I fell and injured myself there. Thankfully, there was a medic available there and he patched it up quickly. It has almost finished healing now btw. We then trekked back and had lunch.

After that, we went back to the bunker/fort/house/w.e you want to call it and changed into our track pants for rock climbing. Unfortunately, it rained. So, we made the camp momento with some cloth. We tied it together with some string and pasted some cool things on it. I made mine saying Col1n, P60 and Y? I also pasted some random things on it such as a hat and some weird plastic weed thing which looks like a 3 pawed claw. We then practised this dance we were going to dance at the camp-fire After that, the buddies and I took a nap. We went back to the bunker to bathe and rest after that. I played some random army hand game with Yayaa and De Shun. I attacked them with planes, helicopters, tanks and army soldiers while they gunned me down. After that we ate dinner.

We then had the long anticipated camp fire! It was the most fun part of the camp. We sang cheers around the camp-fire and danced the dance we practised. I also danced to several tunes like Dynamite by Taio Cruz, Club Can't Handle Me by Flo Rida, Baby by Justin Bieber and LMFAO by Party Rock Anthem. The rest of them started a Long line where we danced to. I also free danced some random dance moves that I learned from Queestown's Aces Day Dancing. After that, I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

The last day of the camp arrived. We ate breakfast, and went to Tampinies Sports Complex to swim. We played some games there where we got some strings from the opposite and came back. There were some human sharks there that tried to hunt us down. We got caught once. WE also had a line in between us and we were spilt into two groups. We threw some balls back and forth. We then played some game where we sat on the liferafts and the buddy pushed us to get a ball some distance away. I swam in the water freestyle after that and went to changed shortly. We took a chartered bus back and forth for transport. We ate lunch after that. During lunch, some other volunteer was asked to do a video on some other buddy called Zhi Wei. He was autistic and his Mom wanted to see him. He recommended them to go back to their camp.

Then, we went to pack. I put my dirty laundry into plastic bags. We then went back to the canteen and wrote down some notes for each other. I might post up the pictures of the camp momento and the note later. After that, we watched a video on what we did. My dad came to pick me up when I got back my phone and wallet.

When, I arrived back, I got a cold from a mistakenly shared water bottle that was the same brand as mine(Ice Mountain). My dad caught it too. I still haven't fully recovered from that.

Well, that's all I'm going to post. See you guys.

Wait for you-Elliot Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your "pride" make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you


So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

Sometimes, I feel helpless watching you sink further and further in the depths of the dumps..

Happy Birthday, even though I wish I could celebrate it with you in person..

I can't help but feel sorrow when you feel down..

Fuck you lah CY. Keep asking me to buy things for you. I don't want to buy can or not.. I only have 10 dollars extra for my earpeices. That stupid idiotic comic book is like 15. By the time it delivers it will be too late for my earpeices. You think what, I'm a debit card ATM machine? WTF LAH. GO BUY IT YOURSELF. ZI BAI!

\

Stupid spoilt little only child kids. They freaking expect you to do everything for you. Even though I'm a spoilt kid myself, I can't help but feel irked at someone for making me do everything for him ie, ordering a game for him with no extra charge, asks for a plastic bag, expects me to deliver it during lunch time(and right before my tuition) and even has the cheek to ask me to go all the way to near Woodlands where I do not know how to go there! Wtf. >:( You know who you are.

Sometimes I feel like giving up my feelings for you.. But I can't..

Yeah, it's been a year you bitch. How about me? It's been close to 4 years that I have first liked you. 4 YEARS! How long do you want to keep torturing me with these feelings you have for your Wei Zheng? Even though I want to help you, I can't help but feel disgusted at you for insulting me and having an addiction to a blogging website. I wish I could turn back time like you have already said and not have a far distance crush on you. I wish that I have never added your msn and played MapleStory SEA with you. I wish I didn't have this stupid feelings for you for now and ever. I also wish that you didn't chase after me until the end of Secondary 2 and made me fall into depression and my other problem. I wish I didn't start liking you AT ALL. It would have made my life so much easier. It's incredibly retarded that you still have feelings for a guy who went out with for like 4-5 months. I will never get over you. I admit it.

Forever alone with no good friends in the world.. Only reasonable friends I have now are online ones..

So much for Darran being my "best friend".. He lied to me that he wasn't going back to Queestown and went to hang out with Leon and Lionel.. -_-

Somehow, I feel like I'm the only one in the world who cares..

Stupid Toan won't pay up the D Coins he "borrowed" from me..

This heart of mine will bleed for you forever and ever..

My heart can only handle so much..

Feeling tired these days. I dunno what is up with me..

It has been a lifetime
Since I saw your face
But still, I sometimes cannot help
To feel so out of place

Without you by my side
I feel so insecure
I need you to be around
Cause I can't find another cure

This heart you took and broke
Still hasn't recovered
I thought the painful days are past
But there always is another

From time to time I think of you
And I still can't fight the tears
Though I thought time heals all wounds
My heart still seems to be so pierced

With the pain you left behind
That I have to deal with everyday
Eventhough I thought I am,
I'm still not okay

I always wish that I could turn back time
And once again be with you
And you'd feel the way I felt
And I still feel for you

But it's too late now, you are gone
I can only wish for something unreal
And as long as you're not with me
I know my heart will never heal

Credits to MJ: http://www.best-love-poems.com/poems.php?id=629523

Who knew growing up would be this hard?

I feel like quitting SF soon.

Mental note to self to deposit money in my bank account for CY.

Hm.. It seems like "Get Your Heart On!" is mainly focusing on love songs. Fail!

Almost a Captain in SSF!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Looks like I don't have to go to NS. At most just do light work cooking. However, I don't want to do that. Who likes serving people? I want to just be able to finish my education at the same time as my peers. However..

Sometimes it aches just not hearing from you..

Good news. I just got back from the Chinese TCM Doctor's and the doctor said I will only need to come back once every 2 weeks. I'm getting better! :)

This post will be another long post about my life. Get ready to read a lengthy post on my life. Well, here goes!

First of all, I went to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. It was pretty good since I am a Harry Potter fan. It didn't follow the book though. Like for example, Fred Weasley died after they came out from the Room of Requirement to find the lost diadem/horcurx in the book. In the movie, it was after Harry got back with the memory of Professor/Headmaster Snape. Another example is Neville went out the the bridge to fight instead of staying in Hogwarts. Not too sure about it. The epilogue part was just the regular actors acting their respective older selfs with Harry having a shaved beard and mustache. After that we went to Crystal Jade La Mian for dinner. I ate the palm oil soup noodles with the Stewed dumpling thingy.

Secondly, I went to get a bank account with my Dad at DBS. I used a secret 6 digit pin number and another security number that I will not divulge. I got some leftover money over from my old kiddie bank account with POSB plus my 10 dollars from leftover Ang Paos. The lady gave me some weird device thing which gives me a number when I want to transfer money online. I signed up for the online service as well. My Dad showed me how to deposit and withdraw money after that.

In addition, there was my younger brother's birthday. He is finally a teenager! We got him a cake from choc-a-bloc. It was pretty good actually considering it was just a chocolate cake. We also had sukiyaki with lots of fried beeeeeeeffffffffff, chicken and pork. I ate it with a raw egg (sorry lord) as a sauce. There was lots of Japanese sauce to go with it too which is why it was so yummy! There was udon, vegetables and food galore there too! I went with my Mom in the morning to buy it at Isetan. There was Miso soup that we bought. We also had Ramen to eat the next day which was really good.

Lastly, there was my Mom's birthday that was just yesterday. She just turned 51 yesterday. We got a cake from Secret Recipe. My Mom said that she didn't want a cake as she already had 4 cakes. 2 cakes from Sunday and 2 on Monday if memory serves. I chose a apple crumble cake with nuts and cheese. It was rather rich. I had it today for breakfast too.

Well, that's about all I want to blog about. See you later readers!

My wishlist for my next birthday. It's for my iPhone 5 when I actually get it. The earpiece costs a bomb though. $90.

Scratch that. I just got my allowance+Ang Pao Ringgit exchanged+ leftover Singapore Dollars Ang Pao money. I shall save it until I get my iPhone 5! :)

I'm sorry, I can't be.. Perfect....

Dad is pressuring me to do well in my studies. Reminds me of the old days when I was very lazy. Not that I am not lazy now, just lazier.

I feel like I'm talking to myself on here.

This blog is undergoing rennovation for purposes I will not discuss. I will try to get it back up by Monday. Thank you.

Ugh.. I wish I could hurry up and get over it. It's been close to 5 years.. How did I get up like this with 3 problems.. Sometimes I wish I could escape from the life and it's woes.. I wish I could help her study properly.. However, due to distance, advanced work and the fact that she doesn't like me anymore, it would never work. Haiz.. -.- "I can't believe it still hurts like this"

When writing is your only solace.

The Older I Get-Skillet

The walls between
You and I
Always pushing us apart
Nothing left but scars, fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
Started growing shorter
Disappearing slowly, day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this

But I think the older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses
Never made no sense, it just made me hurt

Do you believe
That time heals all wounds?
It started getting better
But it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this

But I think the older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

What was I waiting for?
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm

Need to say so bad
What were you waiting for?
This could have been the best we'd ever had

The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this

But I think the older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

Hurts like this
Just getting older
I'm not getting over you
I'm trying to wish it didn't hurt like this

It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

Well, there is nothing to do now. Got no mood but I have to blog just to keep this stupid blog alive. Let me try to think back on what happened to me.. There was four things that I wanted to blog about. Let me try to name them all.. Cycling, Singapore Citizenship, outing to Marina Barrage and one more that I forgot. Ah well, it will hit me sooner or later.. I just remembered. It's the Transformers 3 Movie that I watched. It will be posted in the second last paragraph.

Youthreach staff, the youths and I went cycling at East Coast Park Anyway blah blah blah, we went to East Coast Park. We found out that we alighted from the bus at the wrong point. We then walked like a km to the nearby Hawker Centre.I ate lemon chicken rice and had some milo dinosaur thing. We then strolled to the bicycle store and rented the bikes for like 5 dollars per head. We then cycled all the way to Changi. Along the way, this emo girl and Jian Hao fell off their bikes. They had cuts but thankfully, I didn't fall. I put my water bottle in Joon Heng's bag as I didn't bring a bag. It was pretty ok I guess all in all. I forgot how I got back lol.

My family and I went to the ICA Building to get our Singapore Citizenship done. It took pretty long. Around 2-3 hours. They took my thumbprints and my signature for verification purposes. Then they gave us our ICs which were paper. My mom still hasn't gotten her passport as my Dad forgot to bring a slip of paper which was probably her birth certificate or something like that. My Dad had to take a pledge or oath whatever it's called. My brothers and I have to take that at 21. My sister didn't come along as she was overseas studying in Oxford University. When she got back, she left for China the week after. She missed the appointment date.

Finally the Youthreach people and I went to Marina Barrage on Youth Day to play. I got to see the exhibition there. The exhibition was just some water resovoir thing. I saw a hot babe there! We also flew kites, played with a ball and ate lunch there. The balls games where basicially monkey in a middle except you kick the ball instead of throwing it with a lot more people. I brought food there which was Chips Ahoy, cocktail sausages, strawberries, grapes, some Mamee rice sticks and oreos. The youthreach people also brought some curry chicken, fried noodles and bread to dip inside the sauce too. I like doing that btw lol. I also saw some kids playing cheat with poker cards and a cute doggie. Some of you readers may know that dogs are my favourite animals so yeah. There was an name game too. We were supposed to name a thing for our selves for every candy we took. We take one and name on thing about ourselves. I took 3 but hid 2 in my pocket to avoid saying more things about myself. The Youthreach Staff also gave us a Disney notebook and a plastic thingy eagle with my strength and name on it. We took the SAMH bus back to Tiong Bahru and I took bus 33 to Queenstown and then 186 back home with the candy.

I will be posting a short paragraph on the Transformers 3 Movie. I forgot to add this in. Okay, I went to see it with my Mom. It was pretty good. I liked the twist at the ending in the movie where the Auto Bots didn't "die" in the end. They survived miraculously by a stroke of genius. They hid in a compartment that fell off the space shuttle when they appeared to blast off into space and die. I also liked the part where the other Auto Bot Prime thing turned bad. Good twist of the story line. I read a spoiler on FaceBook that the Auto Bots would win in the end but the good side always wins. However, in this movie, it made it seem that they wouldn't win and all good was lost. But, of course good always triumphs over evil. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's about all I wanted to blog about. See you readers.

I have tons of things to blog about but I have no mood to do so..

Will I ever get over it?

I try to hide what I feel inside but I turn around, and you are with him now. I can't just can't figure it out!!!! Tell me whyyyy you are so hard to forget...

Turmoil of procreaters, one leading to recovery, one leading to academics.

The blues are getting to me.. I should have known, appreciated and treasured what I had, before I lost it and everything I had..

Slowly losing all the friends I had.. Should have made more.. Life of a no-life nerd..

Gonna fail my 'O' Levels if this continues on..

Hey guys. This post is going to be a bit long since I haven't blogged in a while. Hopefully I can remember the details of most of the outings. Now let me see what I wanted to blog about..

Firstly, I went out with CY to Plaza Singapura. We met at Newton MRT and then took the train to Doby Gourt. While walking upstairs, CY saw his aunt and cousin and they greeted each other. We then went to buy the movie tickets to Pirates of The Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It cost us 11 dollars per head. Pretty reasonable. After that, we went to the food court for lunch as CY rushed down the Newton after running at school for his NAFA training I guess. I had prawn noodles even though I already ate at home(had some macaroni soup at home). It wasn't as good as Adam's Road Hawker Centre but it was decent. CY had some weird soup noodles thing. He showed me his Samsung Android Smart Phone there. Angry Birds was pretty laggy there but it looked good otheriwse. After that, we hung out at Comics Connection. CY bought Tiberean Wars 4 expansion pack. I forgot the name of it. -_- I didn't get anything as I wanted to save money. We then headed to the cinema to catch the movie. We split the price of the popcorn combo which was 6 dollars per person. It included a oreo snack and some cool straw. CY took the straw while i got the snack. It was pretty good but long as it lasted for 2 and a half hours. We then cabbed back home as the MRT station was too crowded to catch a train back home. We again split the price of the cab which was 10 dollars for each of us. Sorry CY if the money for the cab wasn't 20 dollars or less.

I also went to catch Kung Fu Panda 2 with my family (Mom and 2 brothers since my Dad works overseas and my sister went to England to further her University studies). We first ate at Crystal Jade La Mian at the GV Grand Shopping Centre upon my request. I had the noodles with oil soup thing with some side dishes. It was pretty childish but it wasn't that bad either. It was also pretty entertaining and funny to see Po and his comrades venture out to defeat the notorious bad crane thing with his arsenal of "The Weapon".

In addition, I also caught the show X Men First class. It was pretty good as I got to see Professer Charles Xavier/Professer X and Magneto as young adults. The guy who could adapt to survive powers was pretty cool as he could have gills on his neck to breathe underwater and could turn his body into stone to protect himself. Sadly, he died. I also got to see Beast gain his blue furry coat with some anti-biotics as he tried to save himself from his mutation(hands in place of his feet). After that, I went to Gimoh to get rice with sweet and sour pork and hor fun with my mom for dinner.

Lastly, I went out yesterday with CY to the PC Show 2011 at Suntec City. He thought it was on last Wednesday but it turned out to be 9-12 June. So, on last Wednesday when we went there, I was disappointed to see no PC show. We ate Burger King before getting his Dad to drive us back to his condo to play games. He gave me Counter Strike Version 1.6 in a thumbdrive. Yesterday, his Dad and him picked me up at 11 to drive to the PC show. I bought a 16 gig Flashdrive from Sandisk called the Cruzer Blade. Sounds spiffy aye? Anyway, it cost me 29 dollars which is very expensive. Thankfully, my mom gave me an extra 50 dollars to spend at the pc show. CY got a Razer Abyuss and Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. It was money well spent in my opinon.

On that very same day, I went to Chua Cu Kang MRT Station to meet up with people from Youth Reach to go to the Night Safari. I reached there at 5pm to see no one there. My mom and I browsed through shops before seeing them. We ate dinner at some food court at the shopping centre nearby. I had sirlion steak there. We took a bus to Night Safari after that. I got to see hippos, bats, bulls, lions and other various animals there. Thankfully, there wasn't any snakes to see there as some of you readers out there know I have a fear of snakes. Ugh, it makes me shiver just thinking about meeting one. We sat in a tram for the first part of the journey and got off at the first station to see the animals. I didn't take any pictures as I was too lazy to lol.We went through them until 9pm with me texting CY. It was very dark and hard to see my buddy. I got to catch up with my Youth Reach pals Joon heng, Sheng Rong, Sonia, Ayaka and Hugh. We then caught the tram for the second half of the journey. The trip ended off with us writing reflections for the trip. My mom and one of her staff drove me back home with me getting the famous Adam's Road Hawker Centre's Prawn Noodles. I also had some Famous Amos Cookies to eat as a snack afterwards.

Well, that took a while to type out. Hope you guys don't mind the wall of text posted and can have the attention span to finish reading this post! That's all I wanted to blog about anyway. Catch you later readers! :)

Hi, this post is probably going to be white anyway. I think it's cause of too little space in the blogger's database or something but whatever. I feel like blogging and 3 things happened so far so ima get straight to it. Since I am now 17, i will captalise my letters to sound mature.

K, i watched Thor. It was quite funny overall. Pretty long about 2 hours and 30 mins. i didn't get the storyline as I was asleep for like 3/4 of the movie. -.- Waste of cash. But whatever, my mom/dad's money. I wanna watch harry potter part 2! I am happily anticipating it.

Yeah so I also turned 17 last sunday. I had some kway tiao from adam road hawker centre. i didn't like the squid so i didn't eat that much. My mom said it was for longevity anyway. Also, had a birthday dinner with my family at some high-class buffet place. It had lobster bisque! The food was ok i guess. I didn't eat much since i wasn't feeling well but i feel better now. I had some steak, chicken, fish and some desert. After that, we went to Secret Recipe to buy a chocolate banana cake which i liked really much. Pretty big and expensive but it was good. Also got some comfort food(chips and chocolate) from my maid as a birthday present. It wasn't the greatest of birthdays but it wasn't that bad either. So that was my birthday.

Academics-wise I went to a Victory Life Chirstian School today to check it out. Saint Francis Methodist School people there wasn't that great as in the sense that they are very naughty. The new school that I am checking out lets me learn at my own pace. It's also pretty cheap for an International School. They even have your own workspace that you can personalise. The requesting-for-teachers-help system is better than other schools where you can actually get to put up a flag in a small hole. The teacher will then go to you for help. The school is also near my mom's family business, Shanghai School Uniforms, which is near a MRT Station. However, the subjects there isn't that good as they only have Maths, English, the three Science components, Social Studies and Chirstian bible studies and such. I'm not really that sure the Chirstian part. The school is also pretty small and no canteen that I am aware of. The path forward from there, is S.A.Ts then college.The other path is to take 'O' Level Private Candidate which I already enrolled into for this year. The subjects that I chose were English, E Maths and Geography for this year. Next year, if I don't enroll into Victory Life Chirstian School, I will take A maths and Chemistry as a Private Candidate. My tutor, Uncle Geoffrey Tan, is helping me.

That is pretty much all I want to blog about. Catch you later guys! Bye.

looks like my heart has adjusted to the pain.. but it will never stop bleeding..

it's useless emo-ing, but i can't stop.. not when she likes another guy and is heartbroken over it..

what i don't understand is how people can get my skype without me telling them. -.-

sometimes i wish this pain could just end..

freaking asshole dad keeps trying to make me do work when i'm already trying my best to please him when i shouldn't even have to do that. stupid ass.

i wish i never met you.. and i MEAN IT..

the sad life of a nerd..

my heart, it won't stop bleeding for you..

i've been re-reading some of my old posts. reminds me how far i have come along and how many friends i've gained and lost. reminds me of the happy times and mostly bad times. well, that can't be helped anyway. *continues re-reading posts*

hi guys. just feeling bored doing nothing at home. here to do a brief post on nothing.

well, some time ago, i went bowling and fishing. will write about the bowling part first.

k, i went bowling. got third place with like 40+ points. highest was ayaka with 2 strikes in the beginning. of course, she is in the bowling cca. and i own her at badminton lol. i came back feeling a bit down and ending up emo-ing for a while due to the fact that i don't take my anti-depressents anymore. but i'm fine now lol.

i also went fishing. was the only one who caught nothing. again, ayaka was the luckiest with 3 catches. 2 catfish and an eel which got away. hugh and joon heng each got one catch of the day. on the way back, we pulled in some nets which held a big crab, some small crabs and a poisonous crab that was purple and blue in colour. the fisherman gave us some crabs and fish to take back home but end up cooking nothing as they were not fresh. my maid threw them away. fail aye?

lastly, i got my razer lycosa. nothing much since gaming mode doesn't do a thing as the windows key is auto disabled in sf. it's also more noisy than my laptop keyboard. i feel like i made the wrong desicion and should have gotten the razer black widow instead. the black widow is mechanical which means i can press the keys approximately 50 times more! which is like 50 million times. the blackwidow also has marco keys on the left hand side of the keyboard which means not having to programme one of the useless keys on the keyboard for k walking in sf. however, i have not set any marcos yet as i'm still trying to figure out how to change the delay to suit k walking in sf. the black widow also allows me to set marcos on-the-fly without a downloadable programme and in game. the black widow is 85 dollars($200) more expensive than the lycosa though and more heavier. well, that's what i'm getting next cny at least.

well, that's all i want to blog about for now. see you guys.

i may not like most songs that aren't in english, however this song is an exception. use google to search for the song lyrics and find out why.

somehow, my future looks bleak..

for my first and only love..

might have to go to ite.. how could i let myself slip this far..

i'm trying not to emo but keep failing..

so much for me moving on huh..?

good song!

Simple Plan- No Love

Staring out into the world across the street
You hate the way your life turned out to be
He's pulling up in the driveway and you don't make a sound
Cause you always learn to hold the things you want to say
Your always going to be afraid

[Chorus:]
There's only hate
There's only tears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Oh so what will you do?
There's only lies
There's only fears
There's only pain
There is no love here

Broken down like a mirror smashed to peices
You learned the hard way to shut your mouth and smile
If these walls could talk they would have so much to say
Cause everytime you fight the scars are gonna heal but there never gonna go away

[Chorus:]
There's only hate
There's only tears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Oh so what will you do?
There's only lies
There's only fears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Oh no So what will you do?

Your falling, your screaming
Your stuck in the same old nightmare
He's lying, your crying
There's nothing left to salvage
Kick the door cause this is over
Get me out of here

(Kick the door)

[Chorus:]
There's only hate
There's only tears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Oh so what will you do?
There's only lies
There's only fears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Tell me what will you do?
There's only hate
There's only tears
There's only pain
There is no love here.

my favourite church song! sounds better at trinity church though. they play it kinda rockish there. lol

good song! :)

just got yellowcard's latest albumn entitled "When You Are Through Thinking, Say Yes". I would like to say that this albumn is really good. lots of love songs though. 2 on moving on and some of them don't even make sense. however, since yellowcard is my favourite band of all time, i love it!!! :)

It's 4am, you call to spit some fire out
But did you think that I would listen to you now?
It's nothing new so get in line with all the rest
And I will wait till you realize you're out of breath

Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
They're watching you break down(Break Down)
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now (Go Now)

You've got sadness twisted up with jealousy
You show your fists to make them look like loyalty
And I have seen what holding on can take away
If it's the past you love then that's where you can stay

Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
They're watching you break down (break down)
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now (go now)
Go Now (go now)

Desperation kills
But when it's on your sleeve you wear it well
Underneath it all you'll always have this war inside yourself

I'm letting you go now (go now)
Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
They're watching you break down (break down)
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now (go now)
Go Now (go now)
Go Now (go now)
Go Now (go now)

even though i posted this song before, i want to highlight some things out.

The Last Song-The All American Rejects

This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song?
For you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal
And now I sing it
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now
You'll find a way somehow
You wanted to
I want it too

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

i love her so much, does she even think about me anymore? since when did she stop liking me.. it's been 4 years and counting. why can't i move on? now she is getting depressed over wz and i can't do a single thing to help her.. i fake a smile so "he" can't see.. -.-

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But, I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and its all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But, I still mean every word I say to you
He will try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But, the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted

I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone
No

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
I can't go back
I'm haunted

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it

it's been 4 years. why can't i just move on? -.-

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see



two good songs.

another good song! :)

relax, this song doesn't mean anything. i just like it.

just here doing a post on yesterday. i had badminton also but i'm not going to blog about that. not much to blog about about it anyway.

k, we just had a birthday celebration for my younger bro who just turned 15. we went out to tony romma's to eat baby back ribs. tasty!! i like the potato skins with cheese, spring onions and corned beef or whatever it's called. the fries was good too and the carilonia honey's back ribs. oh yea, while waiting for a table, we went to get a birthday cake for him. our maid, auntie sam, waited there while we went to get it.

when we got home, we had the cake. we did the birthday ritual and i ate a small slice of the cake. was pretty rich and fattening which i don't need to be more of lol. it was an oreo cheesecake. tasty! :) i also ate it for breakfast today.

that's about it. see you guys and good luck for your studies! :)

good song. listening to songs doesn't mean i'm depressed, it just means i miss you so much
(L)

no idea what to blog about so i'm just going to do a random post

lalalalalalalalalaa

they never go away they live on!!! even when we're gone. and i know an angel will say.. lol

fat and chubby me

can't defeat a young slim guy in badminton

fail weight, endurance and skills at badminton for me.

fail fail fail for a 17 year old.

FAIL!!!!!

i wanna be 17 and at the same time i don't wanna be.

growing up issues.. lol

a picture i made. was going to colour it but i had to rush it out cause of certain reasons. made on paint lol. -.- my horrible drawing.

awesome song!

give me your number and i'll talk to you :)

good song.

great songs! :)

sometimes i really wonder how my life would have turned out had i not met and liked you..

i know i shouldn't be feeling this way but i can't, i just can't..

Facedown-Red Jumpsuit Appartus

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy.
One look put\'s the rhythm in my hand.
Still I\'ll never understand why you hang around
I see what\'s going down.
Cover-up with make-up in the mirror
Tell yourself it\'s never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Chorus:

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I\'ll tell you my friend one day this world\'s going to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what\'s going down.
I see the way you go and say you\'re right again,
say you\'re right again,
heed my lecture

Chorus:

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I\'ll tell you my friend one day this worlds going to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.

Chorus:
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I\'ll tell you my friend one day this worlds going to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.
[x2]